


I Never Asked For This

by RavenTao



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: A little light fluff here and there, Aang is super stressed, Angst, BG and AG for before and after genocide, Depression, Earth, Fire, Forgive and Forget is not something Aang can do easily, Gen, Grief/Mourning, I love that their time line is actually defined by that, M/M, Self-Doubt, Self-Worth Issues, Survivor Guilt, Water, air, contemplating suicide, emotional issues, post air nomad genocide, pre Air nomad genocide, ships are hinted at
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-17
Updated: 2017-11-17
Packaged: 2019-02-03 13:33:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,440
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12749337
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RavenTao/pseuds/RavenTao
Summary: Aang never asked to be the Avatar. He never asked to get stuck in a block of ice for 100 years. He never asked to be the only person in the world to be able to end the war that had been raging for said 100 years. He never asked to be the last living Air nomad in the world. And he certainly didn't ask to have a crush on not one, but two Fire Nation princes in his short 112 years  of life. But here he was. All of the above. And now, he needed to figure out how to deal with it; Let it bury him alive, or bury it himself.OrThe fic that finally explores that Aang was a walking ball of stress and grief and really needed to have someone to vent to. Also; flashbacks! Aang's old friends/life deserved more attention.[Edit] April 2018: as of now, there is also a Spanish translation by the wonderful Jikael that is linked at the top inside for anyone who would like it.





	I Never Asked For This

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into Español available: [I never asked for this | Spanish Translation](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14108994) by [Jikael](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jikael/pseuds/Jikael)
  * Inspired by [On the Flipside](https://archiveofourown.org/works/7200101) by [Evil Teddy Bear (TheDragonRider)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheDragonRider/pseuds/Evil%20Teddy%20Bear). 



> Okay, I'm going to start out by saying that I seriously have no clue where the Azulon/Aang bit came from, and it's super short. It just kinda happened. Even I was confused. (especially since this was supposed to be gen, like, what???)
> 
> Also, Kuzon, is a major character in this without actually really being in it too much. If you don't remember him, well, that's because he's literally only mentioned twice in the series and shown once in a flash back in the comics. Does anyone remember when Aang mentioned having had friends in the fire nation back before the war? Yeah. That's Kuzon. Remember when he enrolled in a fire nation school and had to pick a name?? Yup, he used Kuzon, his very long since dead fire nation friend's name. I really wanted to learn more about Kuzon as a character, but sadly we didn't get that. So, I made him a bigger part here.
> 
> Also, it bothered me that the show didn't feel the need to explore the mental instability that a twelve year old would absolutely have after all the traumatic events that took place in Aang's life. So, I took that upon myself too.

He had never asked for this. Never asked to be the Avatar, never asked to have the weight of the world on his shoulders. He was just a kid. He was a simple monk, desiring a simple life. He traveled the different nations when he could, went where the wind took him. He met a few interesting people; an Earth Kingdom prince in Omashu and a Fire Nation noble in the capital city. The three made an odd trio, that was for sure, but they never really cared much what others thought of them. They were simply happy to be friends and play when they could. Besides, Kuzon and Bumi didn’t get to hang out together nearly as much as Aang got to see them individually anyway. The three of them together was an even rarer sight. But it was still a blast, no matter who was with who.

Bumi and he would cause all sorts of trouble in Omashu; riding the mail system, running through the streets, terrorizing poor animals, but it was all in good fun. Kuzon would take Aang to go dancing or attend important events with him so he didn’t get bored. He would show Aang different ways to flirt with girls. Kuzon was older than Aang and Bumi by a good three years, and the fifteen year old boy often teased him about his lack of interest in the fairer sex. But, Aang took it in stride as he did everything else in his life, he just, wasn’t interested. He flowed through life the same as his element. Air stopped for no one and so he too, as air, would keep going. His feathers unruffled by the friendly prodding. Air had no bones to break when stones were cast. Air had no skin to chill when frozen sleet rained down. And Air, had no blood to boil when flames licked too close. Air was as it always was. Did what it wished. Went where it pleased. Air was life, and Aang was Air. He did however, remember one instance where Kuzon had dragged him, almost literally, to a royal party that he didn’t want to go to alone. The Fire Lord himself was attending, as was his son, Prince Azulon.

Aang had never seen Prince Azulon in person before and he suddenly understood everything Kuzon had ever said about seeing a pretty girl for the first time. His heart raced every time he even thought about looking in the prince’s general direction. His eyes were molten amber, and his hair darker than coal, long and flowing like a river over his shoulders. His face was long, like his father’s, but his complexion was flawless, not even a freckle dared mare that alabaster skin. Azulon was fourteen now, and he was tall for his age. But Aang didn’t dare get close enough to guesstimate exactly how tall that was. Luckily, Kuzon had lent him some of his old clothes so he would blend in with high society, because seeing an Air nomad at a Fire Nation royal party would probably raise a fuss, and a scene was the last thing Aang wanted to cause at this moment in time.

He had glued himself to Kuzon’s side after the revelation he had just made.

“Kuzon, we have a problem.”

“Huh? What? Did you show some girl your floating marbles trick and she laughed at you or something?” his friend had joked and he couldn’t help pouting, because, hey, that trick was pretty fun, right?

“No, why would that be your first assumption?”

“Because you’re trying to keep a low profile and you do that trick when you’re nervous. Which, you seem to be right now.”

“I’m not, well, yes, but not because of a girl!” Kuzon studied his red face and the racing heart beat even he could feel through the thick fabric of his robes where Aang was clinging to his arm.

“A boy then?” he smirked when Aang made a strangled noise in the back of his throat. So it was. Oh well, Kuzon didn’t judge, Aang was an air nomad and they were known for being pretty open minded about nearly everything, so he assumed that Aang probably swung both ways. “Alright, so tell me, who’s the lucky guy I need to help you charm the socks off of?” He grinned and Aang simply turned redder.

“No, we’re not ever going to talk to him!”

“Of course we are, the worst he can do is tell you he’s not interested, right?”

“Pretty sure the prince can do whatever he wants.” Aang mumbled and that took Kuzon a second to fully comprehend before he started laughing.

“Prince Azulon? Really? I guess you could do worse, but I’ve heard good things about the guy, come on.” And with that Aang was fighting and clawing at his best friend’s hand as he drug him through the crowd all the way up to where the prince stood, leaning against a wall, looking absolutely bored out of his mind. Azulon raised a perfect brow at the two and Aang had to fix the hat Kuzon had almost forced him to wear to hide his arrow as he bowed hurriedly. Kuzon simply smirked and bowed himself as he cleared his throat.

“Prince Azulon, I hope you don’t mind our interruption, but you looked like you might enjoy some company?”

“Kuzon, please, I doubt we’d be very interesting company anyway.” Aang had pled quietly as he clung to his friend’s robe. To Aang’s utter amazement though, Azulon smiled slightly and nodded. Spirits, he was even more beautiful when he smiled. Aang was a goner. He really, really was.

“Thank you, I was getting a bit disinterested being here by myself. No one seems to want to risk talking to me.” His voice was like a chorus of angels. Okay, so maybe Aang was looking through rose colored glasses a bit there, but he really was beautiful, in every way that counted, and even some that only counted to Aang. The way his eyes crinkled slightly at the corners when he smiled. The way Aang could see just the barest hint of white teeth behind that light smile that pulled at his perfect pale lips.

“Well, I suppose it is a little intimidating, you are the prince after all.” Kuzon just kept talking and Aang had to wonder what material exactly his friend was made of that he was actually able to still find his voice in the presence of such beauty and grace. Azulon simply chuckled and Aang had to grip tighter at Kuzon’s arm not to fall over and die a happy monk right then and there with how beautiful and airy that laugh was. Aang wanted to snatch that air up and keep it forever, as a token of how close he had come to meeting living perfection. But alas, the fate of air is not to be kept, but to disappear. Even for a prodigy such as himself, keeping air was not in the realm of even sane thought, let alone possibility.

“If that is the case, then you are a brave man, your friend seems nearly terrified though.”

“That’s just because he’s got a crush on you.” Kuzon laughs, full and hearty and Aang can’t help but feel aghast at the flippancy that he used to out his feelings. As if his heart trying to pound out of his chest were a trivial everyday matter, like the rain falling from the skies! His betrayal must have shown on his face as Kuzon’s next words were coupled with a light jab to his forehead where he felt his brows knit, telling him that if he was not careful, his face would be stuck like that. Azulon seemed to be quiet and it was only when Aang finally chanced a look back over at the object of his frazzled heart’s affections that he noticed the small red dusting across the bridge of Azulon’s nose and spreading across his cheeks. He had averted his eyes as well as soon as he had noticed Aang’s own on him and tried to cover his embarrassment with a cough.

“Ah, well, thank you, I am flattered,” Azulon chanced another look back over to Aang and the small airbender felt the prince’s eyes rake over his form. He felt more judged in those five seconds than he ever had in his entire twelve years of life, but breathed a sigh of relief when Azulon spoke next; “He is not too hard on the eyes either.” Aaaaand then Aang was blushing up to his ears. The prince of the Fire Nation just said he was attractive! Okay, that was it, he could die happy now, he would not regret a single thing.

“Well, then I suppose I’ll leave you two attractive people here to talk about attractive people things while I go mingle with the ladies over there.” Kuzon grinned and pulled his arm out of Aang’s grasp, steadied him against the wall, next to Azulon, and patted him on the cheek. He was stock still as his friend manhandled him. He was being abandoned. In his hour of need! “Aang, remember to breathe.” Kuzon joked as he turned to leave with a small wave.

“Your name is Aang? That is an odd Fire Nation name.” Azulon seemed curious. Aang could only nod though, he didn’t trust his voice at all.

“Your friend seems to have his heart in the right place, but perhaps not his mind?” And he cracked. Aang laughed, light and breathy.

“Oh yeah, that’s Kuzon alright.” Aang answered. And suddenly, it was a lot easier to talk. He was still tense, and his heart was still racing harder and faster than a Cheetahbear, but he could speak now. And speak they did. The whole evening. Aang had never had more fun at one of Kuzon’s silly parties than he did at that one, talking with prince Azulon about everything and nothing. He didn’t mention much about himself, just that he was a traveler and that he was often visiting because of Kuzon. He talked about the games they would play, the things they would talk about, the bad influence he knew Kuzon was on him, but didn’t care.

In turn, Azulon told him about his life as well, the things he liked about being a prince, the things he didn’t. The friends he knew were only there because of his status, the pranks he would pull on the staff to amuse himself. Aang had even gotten Azulon to show him some firebending after a little while. Azulon revelled in Aang’s complete and utter joy at seeing the small little shapes he molded his fire into. The small animals he was able to make dance across the palm of his hand. Everything Azulon did, he could tell Aang was genuinely interested in seeing. Both of them were sad when Kuzon came back over and told them that they had to leave.

“It was a great pleasure talking with you Aang, I do hope to see you at my birthday party this summer, if you are able to that is?”

“I’ll do my best!” Aang smiled.

“Wonderful, I look forward to it.” and then Azulon was reaching for his hand and kissed his knuckles as he left, back into the sea of people, leaving Aang speechless and red once again. Kuzon had laughed at him almost the whole way back to his house. And Aang would have scolded him or pouted if the smile tugging at his lips didn’t have a mind of its own, or if he could stop caressing the back of his hand where Azulon had kissed him. He could still feel the other boy’s soft lips on his skin, and it tingled. It sent a jolt of electricity coursing through him every time he thought about it. And if the carriage ride was a little windy inside, well, Kuzon didn’t seem to have the heart to tell his friend. He was just glad he had been around to witness his friend’s first crush. And on a prince no less. He was never going to let Aang live that down.

Except that, he never got the chance. Aang had left the next day back for the Southern Air Temple, back to Monk Gyatso, and he had never come back. He had never seen Aang again. It was at Azulon’s birthday party that he had attended, in hopes that Aang would still show if for no other reason than to keep his promise to try for the prince, that he heard of Fire Lord Sozin’s attack on the Air temple. His blood had run colder than he had ever thought humanly possible for a firebender. He could feel all the color draining from his face at the announcement, stood stock still and silent as the rest of the crowd cheered at the absolute lies their leader was spilling from up on stage. He couldn’t stand any more, and before he could fall to the floor with grief, he made his way over to the wall. That was where Azulon had found him, crouched down low to the ground, back against the wall, his head in his hands and crying like a newborn baby as quietly as he could.

“Kuzon, correct?” Azulon greeted hesitantly. He didn’t know how to handle people in distress like this, had never had to, but he was pretty sure that this was the boy Aang had been with last time. When Kuzon didn’t say anything he simply leaned back against the wall next to the crying bender and crossed his legs at the ankles, simply intending to wait the tears out. “Is Aang with you?” He asked quietly, his curiosity getting the better of him before long though. He scolded himself, obviously this wasn’t the time to be asking about his friend, but he couldn’t find the bubbly boy anywhere and he was getting a little upset himself.

“No.” Kuzon had managed to spit out. “I haven’t seen him at all for months, since he left after the last party.” Kuzon’s voice was hard as he tried to control his sadness. He clenched his fists against his steel grey eyes and shook his head. His black hair that had been up in a very neat top knot was the only part of him that didn’t look a mess. “He’s probably dead with the rest of his people that Fire Lord Sozin just slaughtered.” He spat. And Kuzon had never felt his inner fire burn so hot before. Had never felt such rage in his life. Because this shouldn’t have happened. The Air nomads were the nicest people the world had ever seen. They were kind to all, and especially Aang. He heard the small inhale of air that he assumed was Azulon gasping.

“He was an airbender?” Kuzon almost hadn’t heard the quiet realization slip past the prince’s lips but he did. And now it didn’t matter who knew Aang’s secret, because he was gone. And it was _his_ nation’s fault. He felt sick to his stomach, like he wanted to retch, because this wasn’t right. This couldn’t be real.

“Not just an airbender, he was my friend. My best friend! And your father just murdered him and his entire people for no good reason!” Kuzon couldn’t help it. He was angry. He was sad. And he was looking for someone to accept responsibility. He hadn’t even listened when Azulon tried to explain his father’s actions.

He had ran.

Away from the prince. Away from the party. Away from home. _Away from the Fire Nation._

He ran all the way to Omashu, hoping against hope that Aang was there, that he was with Bumi, that he was alive and he hadn’t just lost his friend. But he wasn’t. And Bumi had been just as upset at the news as he had been. They had cried for hours, together, on the floor of Bumi’s room. That had been the night that he had decided that he wasn’t going to let Sozin get away with what he had done. He would fight his nation, because this was wrong. Fire Lord Sozin, was wrong.

The hurt never really went away. It fueled his flames, made his bending stronger, he was a force of nature to be feared, and he helped the Earth Kingdom in any way he could. He wore their colors, green and gold, Bumi’s family crest on his shoulder plates. He fought bravely, for Aang. For his friend, for the boy who never had the chance to grow up, for the people Sozin had no right in killing. He fought to protect Bumi, his only friend left. The only other person left that remembered Aang, remembered him fondly. His only friend that had stuck with him. He had never married, never fathered any children, Kuzon had lived for the sake of war and war alone. He was going to make a difference, he was going to help stop this madness. He was going to avenge Aang’s death.

Waking up in the ice was a surprise. He didn’t remember being out this far. How in the world was he seeing members of a water tribe? But then he remembered the storm, the monks telling him he was the Avatar, and running away. Right. But still, Had he really gotten that far? He looked between the two, obviously siblings with the strong resemblance, and then heard a groan behind him. Appa! He scrambled back up the ice, careful not to use his airbending more than he had to, as discretely as possible. He hadn’t been to either water tribes before so he didn’t know how they would react to his bending. He hugged his large friend and didn’t mind in the slightest when he was licked in response with a giant tongue. He was just glad they were both okay.

“Who are you?” The girl asked slowly, almost as if mesmerized. He supposed he did look rather silly dressed as an air nomad in the poles. But he kept his air warm so as not to get cold. He remembered sitting in on a few of Kuzon’s firebending lessons and recalled his sifu’s instructions on how to keep his body warm should he be somewhere cold. He hadn’t tried to do it then, assuming he was only an airbender at the time, but now that he knew differently, it came fairly easily to him to at least warm himself. He would give some of the other lessons he had overheard a shot later. When he felt up to it. He still wasn’t ready to accept the whole Avatar thing, he didn’t want that. Didn’t ask for it. Couldn’t handle that kind of responsibility. Didn’t _want_ that kind of responsibility. The weight of the world would tie him down. He was air, free. He did what he wanted, went where he wished. This, this threw a wrench in the works something awful. So, for the time being. He wasn’t. He was just another air nomad kid who happened to be roaming about.

“Name’s Aang, and this is Appa, who are you?” He asked casually. She was very pretty, but she wasn’t quite as pretty as Prince Azulon. Maybe he’d hide out with Kuzon for a while, just while he figured this whole Avatar thing out. After the Prince’s birthday party he would probably go back … yeah. That sounded fair. He could probably come to terms with it in a few months or so. Maybe.

“I’m Katara, and this is my brother, Sokka, we’re from the Southern Water tribe. Where are you from?” Katara asked, her blue eyes shining with interest.

“Yeah, and aren’t you cold walking around in that get up?” Sokka chimed in. Aang sighed, he’d have to tell them. It’d be rude not to, if they weren’t friendly, well, he’d deal later.

“Ah, I’m from the Southern Air temple.”

“An Airbender?! But no one has seen an airbender in a hundred years!” She exclaimed.

“What are you talking about?”

“Fire Lord Sozin killed them all at the start of the great war.” She kept saying things that didn’t make sense.

“What war? You have to be mistaken, I was just at the temple last night, everything was fine.” He furrowed his brow.

“What do you mean “what war”?! The war the Fire Nation started against the rest of the world of course! The one that’s been going on for a hundred years!” Sokka exclaimed and that made even less sense.

“No, that can’t be right. Fire Lord Sozin wouldn’t do something like that. I would have heard if he had.” Kuzon would have told him.

“It’s already been done, Fire Lord Ozai is-”

“Ozai? Who’s that? What happened to Azulon?”

“Uh, he died a while a go? Ozai is his son?” No. That couldn’t be right. He had just talked to Azulon. He was fourteen, he didn’t have a son, especially not one old enough to succeed him in the case of an untimely death. And, was that his heart breaking just then? Had he really been gone that long? That wasn’t possible. Not at all. NO. They were lying to him. They had to be. The reality they spoke of hurt too much to even think of.

“No, you’re lying. That’s not possible. Azulon is about to have his fifteenth birthday this summer, he doesn’t have a son and he isn’t dead.” Aang affirmed, it was more for himself. The two water tribe kids exchanged a confused yet concerned look and Katara stepped forward, putting a hand on his shoulder.

“We aren’t lying Aang. You must have been asleep in that iceberg the whole time.” No. He refused to believe such an outrageous thing could happen. Asleep in an iceberg for a hundred years? That wasn’t possible, things like that don’t happen.

“I don’t believe you. When Appa can fly again I’ll show you. My people are safe and very much alive.” He huffed and turned around, stomping back over to Appa to curl up and not think about what the girl was saying. It was all completely impossible. She had to be wrong. Because if she wasn’t, that was literally the worst thing he could imagine. It took all the stubborn will power he had learned from Bumi to not cry at just the idea of what they were suggesting.

“Fly? That thing?” Sokka scoffed.

“Of course, he’s a sky bison after all.” Aang answered with a snarky roll of his eyes.

“And I’m a purple spotted tiger seal.” the other boy deadpanned.

 

As it turned out, there really was a war going on. Aang had ventured into an obviously old Fire Nation ship with Katara not far behind him. It made him sick. To think that Azulon, the boy he had spent hours talking to and weeks pining over, could grow up to do something like this, it just didn’t make any sense. Sozin, in retrospect, he supposed he could understand doing this, he had gotten the impression he was a bit of a supremacist when you looked closely enough, but Azulon seemed to only want peace with the other nations. He’d buy Sozin starting a war, but a hundred years passing? That was a bit much. He couldn’t have been trapped in that ice that long.

And then he had met Zuko. He had Azulon’s same amber eyes and coal colored hair, his same alabaster skin. But Zuko’s was marred by a painful looking scar on his face, one that clenched Aang’s heart tighter than a vice. Because who would do such a thing to someone so young? If his hair were down and a bit longer, he could almost look like Azulon. Aang had to fight the urge to stay on that ship, to get to know this new Fire Nation boy more. Because he was interesting. He was intriguing, and if Aang was being honest with himself, kinda cute? But no, he had to get off Zuko’s boat, he had to show Katara and Sokka that they were wrong. He had to show them that his people were all still alive and well.

Except they weren’t.

There were corpses everywhere, obviously old and brittle bones. They were littered everywhere. Bodies of people he had once known. Kids he used to play with. Monks he used to listen to. And there, at the center;

“Monk Gyatso.” He had whispered to no one but himself. The pain was an ever engulfing fire in his blood. The sadness like ice, chilling every nerve. The guilt though, that he could have done something, that he had abandoned his people when _they_ needed him most, it was raging like a hurricane against his bones. He felt weak. Light headed. He felt his knees hit the ground before he felt the tears stain his cheeks. Felt the wash of anguished fear, and anger, and _betrayal_ crash over him like a tsunami. Like it was coming to pull him in, to drown him. They were telling the truth. It had been a hundred years. His people were gone. He was the last airbender to live on this Earth. Monk Gyatso was gone. His friends were gone. His family was gone. Nothing was left. He had nothing but Appa left. He was alone. He wailed. Everything hitting him all at once. The weight of the world be damned, his world was already taken from him. Everything he had ever known and loved, everything he held dear, ripped right out from under him without him even knowing. A hundred years worth of pain and agony ripped through him as he felt the air around him heat up, whip around him, swirl as if a storm could possibly express the torture that his heart was going through. He had let so many people down. Kuzon, Bumi, Gyatso, just to name a few.

He didn’t know when he started floating, he could just feel the raw power coursing through him, amplifying him, feeding off his emotions. He was just so distraught. He would never see his friends again, he had broken his promise to Azulon. Did the Fire prince even know what had happened to him? What about Kuzon and Bumi? Did they know? They would have probably thought he’d died, they’d probably held a ceremony for him and everything. Had they even gotten to grow up? Had they died young, or gotten to grow old? How long had he made them wait?

Had Kuzon sided with his nation? No. His friend would never commit such sins as these, he would have fought back. He would have helped the other nations, he would have helped Bumi. Omashu. They had to go to Omashu. He needed to see with his own eyes that his friends were gone. They would be there. Both of them. He was sure of it.

He suddenly felt arms around him, felt warmth. Body heat. Living people. It brought him back to his senses, the storm inside him dying down, and he just sat there in Katara’s arms, sobbing. Because what else was he going to do? There wasn’t time to grieve properly. There wasn’t even time to bury all his people properly like they deserved, though, they would probably crumble to dust the second he touched them. He had to stop Ozai. This wasn’t okay. _He_ wasn’t okay. Aang was the farthest thing from okay that had ever existed. But he didn’t let it show. When his tears dried up and he had cried himself ragged, he stood up. He wasn’t okay, but he would pretend he was. At least until this was over. Then he would fall apart, fall to so many pieces he probably would never be whole again. But right now, the world needed an Avatar, and, as much as as he didn’t want it to be him, despite how much he just wanted to curl up under a rock and die, he couldn’t. He took the rest of the night to dwell on it and then in the morning, plastered on a smile that felt so fake he almost felt bad about lying. But they didn’t question him. What right would they have anyway?

He was air, and air was detached. Air wasn’t chained to emotions so painful he couldn’t move. -- Earth, his heart supplied. Air wasn’t heavy with guilt or thick with sadness. -- Water, it hit him then that he wasn’t just air as he had always wished. Air wasn’t out for revenge. --Fire, blazing hot against his chest. Air simply was. It existed. An equalizer. Air coasted through people’s lives, doing it’s own thing. Aang was born air, and he would continue be air while he stopped this war. And then he would be human. Humans were fragile. Humans broke. Humans had emotions and survivor’s guilt and resentment. Humans died.

The journey was long, and he felt worse every day by agonizing day, but he was a monk, and they were supposed to forgive. They were not allowed to hold a grudge. And so he did. He forgave Sozin. Forgave the Fire Nation. Forgave the world for letting it happen and forgetting about him and his people. He honestly did. But forgiveness didn’t fill the hole in his heart. Didn’t quell the empty feeling in his soul. Didn’t remove the lead from his bones. Didn’t cleanse the nightmares from his dreams, or soothe the guilt in his chest. It didn’t douse the fire that slowly licked at his mind as it told him he should have died in that temple with his people too. Did nothing to quench the regret at not being there when the world, and everyone he ever knew and loved needed him the most. When he could have put an end to this whole thing with a simple conversation with the boy he liked. And he did, even now, after learning of everything Azulon had done, he still liked him. Still thought the boy was cute. Still remembered the kind guy he had met so long ago that he never would have thought capable of such monstrosities. He would need closure on that as well. But right now, he needed an Earthbending teacher and he needed closure for his friends.

He was shocked when they got there and he found out Bumi was still alive and kicking. Was King Bumi now. Was still the same Bumi he remembered, right down the the snorting laugh and crooked teeth. Except, he wasn’t. He wasn’t _his_ Bumi anymore. He was old and white. He looked his age. Bumi was now a hundred and twelve. A hundred and thirteen soon if he remembered the current date correctly. He had hugged him nonetheless. Had still cried into the other man’s arms, though it was more adequately described as bawling into his chest. He hadn’t been able to speak for a solid ten minutes before managing to croak out the question burning in his mind.

“What about Kuzon?” His voice sounded wrecked and the still of Bumi’s hand on his back was instant. Aang could feel the air grow thick and cold at his question.

“Kuzon is dead, Aang.” And the waterworks had started up again. He had known he would be before they had gotten there, but had hoped beyond hope he was wrong when he found Bumi alive. Bumi continued to speak as Aang tried to wade through his torrent of emotions.

“He knew that what Sozin was doing was wrong, he left as soon as he heard what he had done to the Air nomads. Came directly here, to Omashu. To me. He helped us protect our city. Kuzon was my most trusted general. My comrade. We fought together, and we defeated a great many soldiers. He never forgot about you. Neither of us did.” Bumi’s voice was calm as Aang wept in his arms. “He died young, twenty seven. He was getting reckless. His fire was burning hotter and hotter, he was hardly controlling it by the end, more like letting it loose and watching it destroy everything in it’s path. He took out whole battalions on his own, in your name.” Aang couldn’t even find it in himself to even pretend to be upset about his friend killing for him. They thought he had died, and it comforted him to know his friends cared so much. It conflicted against everything he had ever been taught, but it was a small comfort that they had at least cared enough to fight for him.

“Can I see his grave?”Aang had asked weakly, his voice was scratchy and raw from the heavy wet sobs he had been screaming into Bumi’s chest just before. If he died serving Omashu, his grave would be here too, just as he had hoped it would be. Bumi nodded and Aang was directed with a steady hand on his back towards a small open air garden space in the middle of the palace. There in the middle was a single erected tombstone.

 

_Lee, Kuzon_

_Loyal friend_

_Fierce warrior_

_Beloved Brother_

_15BG - 12AG_

_“I never forgot you, Aang.”_

 

Aang touched the headstone and knelt the the ground, his head resting against the cold stone as he whispered his words;

“I’m _sorry._ ” He choked out between shaky dry sobs and ragged breaths. “I’m so, _so_ _sorry_ Kuzon.” He wanted to cry again, but he was out of tears to shed and his body was exhausted. He traced the small Fire Nation symbol etched into the top left side of the stone first, then the Earth Kingdom symbol on the right. His nails caught on the etching of the letters as he then drug his hand down the rough surface to trace Bumi’s family crest just beneath the dates with a shaky hand. “I miss you.” He whispered, could feel Katara and Sokka watching him, judging him, pitying him. He knew they were trying to think of the right thing to say to help him. But that was just it. There wasn’t a “right thing” to say. His best friend was dead, and his other best friend wasn’t far behind. This was his punishment for abandoning the world. This was what the spirits thought he deserved for running away from his responsibilities. From his destiny. _This_ was something he would carry with him for the rest of his life. Because _this_ was all _his fault_.

But things would get better, they had to. It was inevitable. And Aang found that “better” in Zuko. First when he had rescued him from Zhao, reminding him that there is good left in the Fire Nation, that had he met Zuko a hundred years earlier, they could have been friends. And then again when he finally came over to their side to help him learn firebending. He still missed home, missed his time. Missed Kuzon and all his airbending friends. But Zuko looked so much like Azulon, he couldn’t help himself from falling for the new fire prince. Couldn’t stop himself from blindly trusting him. He felt it said a lot about him that he felt so strongly for not one but two fire nation princes. He had never told the others on the team of his crush, neither past or present, and he probably never would. But when it was just them, on their journey to get Zuko’s fire back, he felt he should say something. Anything.

“You look a lot like your grandfather.” He didn’t know why he said that particular thing, but at least it broke the ice. Zuko had stopped and given him a strange look and Aang had just shrugged. “Kuzon had dragged me to a party he didn’t want to go to alone, and while he was chatting up girls, I was having a mild panic attack.” he continued, as if that cleared the whole thing up. It really didn’t. Zuko just blinked a few times and sighed, running a hand through his hair as he brought them both to a stop.

“What were you panicking about, and what does that have to do with me looking like my grandfather, which, I don’t by the way.”

“You do. You have the same amber eyes, and your skin is the same shade of alabaster white, if not for your scar, it would be just as flawless and beautiful. You’re lips are the same too. You’re hair is just as dark, though prince Azulon wore his longer, but I suppose that can’t be helped. I’m sure it would suit you just as well.” Zuko blushed at Aang’s words and he continued.

“I know, because I was captivated by those same features when I first saw him. Prince Azulon was actually my first crush.” He should have stopped himself there, should have left it at that, but something inside him wanted Zuko to know the whole story. “Kuzon was beside himself with mirth, he wouldn’t let it go at all, practically forced me to go over and talk to him. I had never felt so insecure and small in my life. But he turned out to be fun to talk to. He even wanted to talk to me again, invited me to his next birthday party. I had intended to go too, but … well, I guess it wasn’t meant to be.” He was quiet for a moment longer, looking away slightly. “I hope he wasn’t too upset when I didn’t show up.” He didn’t know exactly what the sour feeling in the pit of his stomach was, but he knew that he felt better after talking about Kuzon a little more. He hadn’t really been able to bring the other boy up to the others. It didn’t feel right. Didn’t feel safe. He couldn’t afford to spend time mourning or reminiscing. He liked to think that he held both Bumi and Kuzon equally in his heart, but if he really thought about it … he did spend more time with Kuzon. His heart hurt more for Kuzon rather than their earthbender friend when he had thought they both were gone.

“You had a crush on my grandfather?” Was the only thing Zuko could think to ask after a stretch of silence, incredulous, after Aang’s confession, bringing Aang back from his thoughts.

“He was quite attractive.” Aang simply shrugged as a defense.

“I keep forgetting that you’re actually over a hundred.” he mumbles and stays quiet for a while longer this time, picking back up walking, just slightly faster than they had been before.

“I wish _I_ could.” Aang mutters as he follows. Finally, after an extended silence, Zuko groans and turns back around on him.

“Okay, I’m really curious now, does the fact that you think I look like my grandfather when he was younger mean you like me too or something? Is that what you meant when you said it?” Aang thought about Zuko’s words carefully and used his airbending to help lift himself up onto a large boulder easily and lightly, putting a little distance between them and letting him look Zuko over a little more easily.

“I do like you, but not really just because you look similar to Azulon, you look different enough that I do know you are different people, and your personalities are vastly different. But I do like you all the same.” Aang carefully offers.

“Like, platonically or … ro-romantically?” Zuko stumbles slightly and it just makes Aang smile a little wider when he sees the faint blush dusting Zuko’s cheeks.

“Both.” he states matter-o-factly. He wasn’t sure of the extent his romantic feelings for Zuko, but he did know there was something there that made his heart pound a little harder, pump just a little faster. The way that Zuko blushed a darker crimson, and a little puff of steam fluttered his bangs as his blood boiled hot under his skin with embarrassment sent a gust of warm wind swirling in his stomach. “You’re really cute, Zuko, but, I don’t think I can actually pursue any sort of romantic relationship when this is all over, so there’s no need to act like anything is different between us.”

Zuko looked up to him, his mouth set in a small frown. It wasn’t as if the older teen knew what he wanted to do with this new information, Aang could tell by the look in his eyes, but he still seemed to feel the need to ask. “Why not?”

“I …” He stayed quiet. How could he just come out and say that he didn’t feel worthy? Didn’t feel whole? Didn’t feel like he deserved happiness after everything he had put everyone he had loved through? After everything he was doing. Everything he had to do. They expected him to kill the Fire Lord. _Him_. An Air nomad, killing anything. That was the biggest joke his destiny could have ever played on him. He couldn’t even kill a bug! How was he supposed to kill a man to save the world? And not just any man, the son of the man he still harbored feelings for. The father of the man he now, slowly, found himself also falling for. “I’m not worth the time.” He finally managed to breath out, a bitter smile forming on his lips and his eyes betrayed him as he tried to fight the self hatred and pity in his heart. He tried to tell himself that his friends would want him to move on, but his heart doesn’t want to listen to his head, wants to wallow in self loathing and guilt. Wants to remind himself that every second he spends in this time was borrowed and stolen from someone else he cared about in the past.

“Aang, you can’t honestly feel like that.” Zuko took a step forward, it was clear that this wasn’t something he was good at, cheering people up, but he was trying, and Aang could appreciate that. Even if he couldn’t believe the banished Prince’s words.

“Zuko, please stop, I know what I have to do, but beyond that,” He shook his head. “This isn’t the time.”

With that, the topic had been dropped. Or, at least he had intended it to have been dropped, and Zuko hadn’t brought it up since. But then, since when had Aang’s life ever been merciful since waking up in this new time? He was tired, and stressed, and tensions were running high. Things weren’t going how he wanted them to. Firebending was easier to learn than Earth, but it still wasn’t really _easy_ , Aang’s inner air kept feeding the flames, making them harder to control. His fire would flicker and go out, or feed into an inferno if he wasn’t careful. The stress wasn’t helping anything either, the consequences weighing heavy in the air over his head should he mess up and not stop Fire Lord Ozai in time.

“Aang, you have to focus.” Katara voiced near his ear, she had been trying to help him relax after the third time he had almost blown himself up trying to make a fireball. Her nimble fingers dug into the muscles at his shoulders and he tried to fight back the groan at her words.

“Trust me, I know.” Being the Avatar really was the worst.

“You’re the Avatar, shouldn’t this be easier for you?” Sokka asked from over on the deck of Zuko’s family summer home where they had chosen to hide out. He tried not to glare at him for that.

“Firebending is about control Sokka, Aang has to want to control it, and have the resolve to follow through. And even then, sometimes it just doesn’t want to listen.” Zuko interrupted with a resigned sigh.

“Yeah, but I mean, he picked up water super easy, like, to the point Katara got really pissed at him. And he managed to master Earth, the opposite of his natural element; Air. So, shouldn’t that mean that he should be able to at least pick up Fire relatively easily, since Air and Fire are pretty good friends?” Sokka had a point, he knew his airbending was making his fire stronger, but that just made it harder to control. It made his fire unpredictable. And everything just started to simmer. _Yes_ , he was the Avatar. _Yes_ , he was supposed to be able to do this. _Yes_ , he needed to take down Ozai. _Yes_ , he knew he couldn’t fail or the whole world would suffer the consequences. But that was a lot to ask of one twelve year old boy. Spirits! That was a lot to ask of any one person, regardless of age! This was something he wouldn’t even wish on a seasoned, fully realised Avatar!

“Look, guys, I’m trying, but this is a lot, okay? I’m learning these elements faster than any Avatar before me has ever had to, and for a reason more dire than any of them ever even needed to think about. I’m sorry if my stress is impeding my learning curve, but could you all just back off it for a while?!” He hadn’t meant to yell. It wasn’t like him. But it was air. Sometimes air got blustery. Sometimes air threw a fit. Sometimes air was violent and screamed and howled to its heart’s content. Air had a temper, his just took longer to build up to a gale.

“Aang, we’re just trying to help.”

“Yeah well, I don’t want it right now!” He pushed Katara’s hands away from him, her touch no longer helping ebb the tension from his tired bones and muscles. He needed a moment to himself. “I’m taking a break.” he announced as he went to leave the group for a while. Just to clear his head. Or, at least that was the plan, until Katara grabbed his arm again.

“Aang, I know you’re tired and on edge, we all are, but we can’t afford to take a break, you’re the Avatar you have to--”

“I never asked to be the Avatar!”  He hadn’t meant to blow up at her, but once the words were out, he couldn’t stop the dam from breaking and overflowing. “I never asked to wake up a hundred years in the future, to a war that has claimed the lives of everyone I’ve ever known and loved, to a war _I’m_ supposed to stop! To the whole world looking to _me_ to save them! I have to master all the elements in just a few months! I haven’t even had time to properly deal with all this stuff that’s in my head and chest. I couldn’t even save monk Gyatso, but yet, I’m supposed to save the world? I’m an Air nomad! What kind of sick joke is this?! We don’t fight! We don’t kill! Not even Animals for food! It’s against everything we’ve ever been taught and you all expect me to just be fine with murdering a man in cold blood?! I can’t do this! Someone else can be the Avatar for a while!” His arms were flailing in the air as he ranted and he knew, in the back of his mind, that he was probably causing a storm. He could feel the warm wisps of air against his exposed skin, but it did nothing to deter him. He needed space. No one said anything while he made his way back towards the villa, and no one tried to follow him when he grabbed his glider before taking to the air, moving more inland, away from the beach. They couldn’t.

The things Aang had said were things he had been keeping bottled up for a long time. Things they all knew _had_ bothered him, but hadn’t known they _still_ did. Hadn’t known he had let them fester to this point. Aang was a sweet kid, he never lost his temper unless something really bothered him. (Because he’s only human, and even the best monk had a limit.) But this wasn’t just one thing. This was everything. It was as if Aang didn’t really even want to be here. Didn’t feel like he deserved to be here. The others all looked to Toph, who, seemed to have felt Aang’s distress more than the others as she had taken a seat. It made sense. Aang had been so upset and Toph could feel a person like none of them could even imagine. They had all felt the effects of his bending; the rumble of the earth under their feet, the warmth of the fire slowly building in his veins, warming the air around them in warning wisps that licked at their skin as if they were promising flames should he get any more upset. They had felt the water in the air freeze and become cold, shocking their lungs as they tried to breathe. Aang was a force of nature, and he was still young and unstable. They needed to find a way to calm him down before he did something he would regret on accident.

Toph’s eyes were wide as she stared at the spot where Aang had been standing, still braced for whatever might have been thrown at her. Sokka was closest, he reached out to try and touch her shoulder, but stopped before he could. “Toph? Are you okay?” He asked carefully.

Quietly.

Hesitantly, as if one touch and she would blow away in the wind Aang had left behind in his wake.

“Someone should go after him.” She finally managed to get out, her body finally relaxing just a slight bit. Even she was too preoccupied to notice Zuko get up and start sprinting in the direction Aang had taken off in. This was something he at least could do. And he hoped that in the time that it took to find and get to him, Aang would be in a slightly better mood. As the air around them settled, became stale and stagnant, Katara collapsed to her knees. She struggled to catch her breath through the ice still in her lungs, willing the cold away as best she could. It wasn’t working. She scrabbled at her chest with her nails, begging her body temperature to help thaw the ice. Every breath felt like needles, but eventually she felt the cold recede. Finally she was able to focus back on Sokka and Toph. Sokka was rubbing her back in small circles as she leaned on him. He seemed to have been mumbling something to her, but Katara was too far away to hear it. Katara tried to push herself to her feet once more but her muscles didn’t want to listen and she just ended up collapsing back onto the ground. Sokka was there in an instant, helping her up though. He walked her back over to where he had been, sitting her down on Toph’s other side.

“Are you okay Katara?” Sokka asked as he went back to helping Toph.

“I, I think so.” She managed to rasp out. Her throat felt raw, but there were bigger things to worry about right now. “How about you and Toph?” Toph only waved her off with a shaky hand. Sokka _looked_ like he was doing the best out of the three of them.

“I’m fine, I’m more worried about you two ... and what Zuko thinks he’ll be able to do to calm Aang down.” He assured her with a small frown and a quick glance back towards camp, and though he sounded sincere, she wasn’t entirely sure she bought it.

It took quite some time before Zuko found him, and the sun was already starting to dip down under the horizon, setting the beach in front of him ablaze in the brilliant orange and yellow of dusk. Aang was sitting in one of the taller trees, his back against the trunk, one leg lain along the thick branch he chose as his perch and the other, dangling down limply, occasionally stirring to kick at the air and bump back against the smooth bark of the tree’s trunk. His head lolled back against the tree as he brought his hands up to his scalp, if he still had hair to pull, he would have been leaving bald spots with how harshly he was pulling at the skin of his head with the pads of his fingers. The skin bunched and wrinkled as he pulled it, trying to calm himself back down. His eyes eventually screwed shut and he loosed a frustrated growl. He didn’t want to be angry at his friends, it wasn’t really their fault. At least, not that they could control anyway. He didn’t want to feel all these emotions before such an important fight, but that was just it, it was because of this fight being so important that he was having these issues. It was because they couldn’t understand that he was feeling all of these feelings of frustration and anger. He felt like fire.

Aang knew Zuko had found him, but was glad when he didn’t immediately say anything. In some ways he was glad that it was Zuko that chose to come after him. He wasn’t sure exactly why, but he felt calmer around Zuko. Be that it was how he reminded him of Azulon and Kuzon, two people he very dearly missed, or that he could understand what it meant to lose everything and not know what to do next. But even Zuko hadn’t lost _everything_ . He still had May, and Iroh. His father and sister were still alive, even if they were on opposite sides of this war. He had lost what he thought was important, but retained what truly was. And Aang envied that. If he had just stayed home that night, if he had just listened to the monks and started his training, would they all still be there? Would this war have progressed to claim so many lives over the last hundred years? Would his people still be alive? Would Kuzon have gotten to grow old? Would he have gotten to see his friends married? A small broken sob slipped past his lips and the nails of his fingers dug into his flesh, leaving angry red lines against his pale skin as they fell from his scalp, down his cheeks, further to his neck and finally falling to grip tightly at his middle. His arms crossed at his belly as he hugged himself so tight that he began to double over. He didn’t have time for feeling like this. He could feel sorry later, he could let the anger at himself out after he defeated Ozai. He couldn’t afford the luxury of these memories and _what ifs_ right now.

But it was hard to close the dam again after it was opened. He cried. He didn’t know how long he cried, or what ugly, childish noises he must have made while doing so, but Zuko never said a word. It must have been quite some time though, if the darkness that had fallen around them was anything to go by. Finally, when he could breathe properly once again, he spoke, his voice raw and scratchy;

“Sorry.” He mumbled, slipping himself off the branch and using his airbending to slow his fall, landing almost silently next to where Zuko sat at the foot of the tree. He stood there for all of two seconds before he reached out to grab his glider and took a step back towards the beach.

“For what?” Zuko asked softly, his hand reaching out to take Aang’s and pull him back to the tree. The little monk didn’t budge though. He was heavy like earth and the eyes of grey that Zuko had come to admire, equate almost to a storm cloud, were hard and dull like a stone that had been rubbed smooth by the sands of a raging torrent. They didn’t look like the Aang he had come to know. “It’s okay to cry you know.” He offered when the young boy didn’t answer. Zuko got up from his seat and walked the step and a half between them, pulling Aang into a tight hug. Aang’s skin was cold, and there was a wind surrounding him that sent shivers down his spine. The air fluttered at his hair and licked at his exposed skin, as if pleading with Zuko to let him go. But that wasn’t an option. The firebender could tell that being alone wasn’t going to help his friend at all. It would only feed the demons that followed him. And Zuko knew there were demons. You didn’t live a life like Aang’s and not have any. He was just better at hiding them with a smile than most.

“Zuko, we need to go back.” He whispered, though it came out cracked, his voice strained, as if begging. The young prince might not have been the best at consoling a person in obvious pain, but he knew the kinds of hugs that his uncle gave him that always made him feel better. It was just them here anyway, even if it was awkward, he hoped that it got his point acrossed. Zuko brought one hand up to the back of Aang’s head and guided it to his shoulder, while the other dipped lower to rub small circles on his back.

“Training can wait. You need a break.” He shushed, pulling Aang with him back against the tree and slipping back down to the grass. “Why don’t you tell me about it, your life before the war.” Zuko’s voice was quiet as he rearranged them so that he was still hugging the little airbender, but they were sitting more comfortably with Aang in his lap, back to chest, and his back to the tree. Aang’s head laid against Zuko’s chin as his thin fingers gripped tightly against the skin of Zuko’s warm arms that encircled him, protected him, the arms that shielded him from all those thoughts that screamed at him day in and day out. Thoughts that told him things he already knew. That he was a coward, a failure of an avatar, a sad excuse of a monk, a horrible friend, a complete let down of a human being. The voices told him that he didn’t belong in this time, that he didn’t deserve to be happy after what he had done. They told him that it would be better if he just disappeared. But here was Zuko, warm and alive, momentarily warding off those thoughts with just a simple hug and the offer of an open ear.

“I didn’t know I was the avatar yet.” He started simply. “Things were easier, simpler that way. I could do what I wanted,” He sucked in a deep breath, and swallowed the growing lump of mucus in his throat from his previous fit. “I was allowed to leave the temple whenever I wanted. Because air is free. Most monks chose to stay, but I wanted to explore.” He tucked his head closer in towards Zuko’s neck, the heat radiating off of him relaxing his coiled nerves. “I guess that was probably a clue that I wasn’t _just_ air.” His voice was soft as he continued.

“What do you mean?” Zuko wasn’t sure if it was a good idea to ask, but did feel that if Aang didn’t think he was listening he might stop.

“The other monks taught us to be content with where we were, but Gyatso always told me that I should follow the wind in my heart. My wind told me to go. It took me to the Fire Nation capital first, where I met Kuzon. He was older than I was, and said that I looked funny, but that he had never met an air nomad before.” Zuko could feel the tug of Aang’s cheek against his collar as he smiled fondly at the memory. “We became fast friends. Closer than brothers. He would often insist that I sit in on his lessons so that he could show off his bending. He wasn’t allowed to use it outside of practice unless absolutely necessary after all. It wasn’t proper, or at least, that’s what his mother always said.” He was quiet a moment, lifting one hand from clutching Zuko’s arm to wipe at the tears threatening to fall down his cheeks again. “I always loved watching Kuzon practice. Fire was warm and alive where air was cold and distant. Together, we were unstoppable. He would often drag me off to events and parties that his family was invited to. In the public eye, Kuzon was ever the gentleman, but just outside the city limits, he was anything but.” A small breathy chuckle burst forth and Zuko couldn’t help but listen intently as Aang spoke. It was such a pure sound that Zuko wished that he could always hear it. That Aang would always be as happy as he was when he was talking about his friends.

“He sounds like a good friend.”

“He was. But the spirits know he was a horrible influence on me. We would often end up getting into fights or in seedy bars and clubs. Kuzon liked to have fun, but his fun was different from mine and Bumi’s definitions.”

“Did Bumi and Kuzon ever meet?”

“Of course, and spirits help whoever was in our path when the three of us were together.” Zuko couldn’t help it. He laughed too. It was quite the sight to imagine; goody two shoes Aang, sitting in some dirty little bar outside the city where anything was possible. The Aang he had come to know was anything but a troublemaker, but the stories he had heard of King Bumi, and now Kuzon, left a different impression. Aang running around with people like that made Zuko curious.

“Sounds like you were a handful.” He chuckled.

“I was usually the one to get us all out of trouble again after Bumi and Kuzon fudged it all up.” Aang smiled. He was finally relaxing back against Zuko, the rigidness leaving his stressed muscles, and his bones feeling like the consistency of gelatin in the ever warming embrace of Zuko’s arms and chest.

“What about Bumi? How did you meet him?” Zuko asked, keeping the conversation going, listening to Aang recount story after story of his time with his friends before there was ever any conflict between their nations. Slowly, the events that Aang spoke of started to edge closer to the present. Eventually he spoke of how the monks had told him, four years too early, that he was the avatar. How he had panicked and fled the temple. How he had woken up in the ice, completely in the dark about everything that had happened. To a war that he should have stopped, to a time that wasn’t his own, to everyone he had ever known and loved dead. “You still have Bumi.” Zuko offered weakly. It was easy to see how the young boy was under so much stress now that he knew the whole story.

“Bumi may still be alive, but he isn’t my friend Bumi anymore. My Bumi was twelve years old, same as me, when I went into the ice. Since then there has been a war raging for a hundred years, and he became King. He was there when Kuzon died. He lived through the genocide of my people. He may still retain some of his personality from back then, but he is ultimately a different person from whom I once knew.” Zuko’s fingers, having been tracing the blue tattoo along Aang’s arms and up the back of his head, stilled.

“You can’t blame him for growing up.”

“I don’t.” Aang’s voice was barely above a whisper, and if they hadn’t been sitting so close Zuko would bet that Aang’s words would have been swallowed whole by the air between them. “I don’t blame anyone but myself.” He shook his head against Zuko’s chest, pulling his knees up to his chest and wrapping his arms around them. “I should have been there. I should have done something.”

“You don’t know if that really would have helped at all though. Your people still would have been attacked, and you probably would have died along with them. Because you ran away you lived. Your people are alive through you.” Zuko tried to offer, but Aang only shook his head.

“I ran away, and because of me, the whole world lost hope. I was the Avatar. I should have acted like it. Because I ran away, there was no one to stop Sozin. Because I was gone, Azulon continued this war. Because I didn’t die with my people, a new avatar never came.”

“It was important that you live Aang, If you had died, who would have taught the next avatar air bending?”

“You’ve all said it yourself, Airbending isn’t going to win this war. It wouldn’t have mattered.”

“Aang. You’re an amazing Avatar. None of the Avatars before you would ever have been able to do what you’re doing. You’re mastering all four elements in a single year, that’s pretty impressive.”

“I shouldn’t be here Zuko! This isn’t right!”

“You have to be here. This was what the spirits intended for you.”

“I don’t care what the spirits want or intend for me! I want to go back!”

“That’s not possible, and you know it. The best you can do is live your life the way they would have wanted you to now. You have Sokka, Katara, Toph, myself, and all the other new friends you’ve made along this journey. Aang, you were given a second chance.”

“I don’t deserve a second chance! I should have died in that iceberg!” It hurt Zuko’s heart to hear someone usually so friendly and optimistic, someone who always spoke of the value of life, devalue his own.

“Then I never would have met you. You never would have met the others, and there would never have been any hope of ending this war before all that was left was fire.” Zuko answered as steadily as he could. “The other Avatars would have been hunted down and slain before any of them could mature to a threat. You being here stopped that from happening.” Zuko continued.

“It also stopped a better Avatar from showing up. It caused thousands of lives to be lost.”

“Aang. I’m glad you’re the Avatar that was chosen to end this. Any other Avatar would have been born into this hateful time and wouldn’t be able to look at this situation as clearly as you can. A new Avatar would only see hate and evil when they looked at the fire nation. A new Avatar, wouldn’t be you.”

“You would never have known the difference.” Aang muttered. This was going around in circles.

“Aang. When this war is over, and my father is defeated, what will you do?” Zuko sighed.

“... I think I’ll leave.”

“Leave the group, or leave the Fire Nation …”

“Just … leave. Everything.” The arms around Aang’s waist tightened and he could feel Zuko sucking in a deep breath through his nose. He didn’t agree with Aang’s decision, the little airbender knew that. He didn’t even agree with it, but it was the only choice. He couldn’t stay somewhere he was never intended to be.

“Ask him.” Zuko finally managed to say after the third deep, calming breath.

“Ask who, what?” Aang asked tiredly. He wanted to be done with this conversation.

“Kuzon. Go to the spirit world, find him, and ask if he thinks you’re being stupid.”

“I don’t have to, I already know he’d tell me not to.”

“Then there you go. If things get hard, just imagine him telling you to suck it up and live on. Live for him and your people and everyone else that the Fire Nation stole from families all over the world. You survived to end this war, and usher in peace, like only an Air nomad could. And I’m gonna need your help if anyone is ever going to trust the Fire Nation again. Aang, the world will still need you after all this is over ... I’ll still need you.”

“Zuko … I’m sure there are better-”

“No. The world trusts you. I need you by my side.” He paused, hesitating to continue. “I _want_ you by my side.” Zuko finished.

Aang didn’t say anything and soon Zuko allowed him to get up. The walk back to the villa was quiet and Zuko felt like he might have stepped over a line somewhere with the young Avatar, but they had all been things he needed to say. The days leading up to the fight came and went, the weakness Zuko had seen in the young Avatar was buried back down under his responsibilities and training. You’d never know it was there if you didn’t know to look for it. The others had asked what had happened when they had gotten back but neither would say anything. It wasn’t their place to know if Aang didn’t want to tell them. Though, Zuko made sure to be a little more patient and kind during training, hoping that the gentler approach that Katara often preached would help at least a little bit. It seemed to anyway, but only time would tell if it stuck.

The fight was drawing ever nearer as the final few days came and went, and when Aang dissapeared before they had to leave, Zuko worried that maybe he’d decided to _leave_ early, as he had said that day under the tree. But then again, he doubted very much that Aang’s conscious would allow him to run away a second time after he still harbored so much guilt from the first.

It felt like eternity before Zuko saw the little airbender again, and he really couldn’t stop himself even if he had wanted to before he found himself pulling the boy into his arms for a bone crushing hug despite the obvious pain he was in from his injury.

He didn’t remember going to sleep was the first thought to enter his head when he awoke in the red painted walls of his childhood room back in the palace. The second was a pained groan as all of his muscles and subsequent injuries awoke as well. Zuko moved his right hand to his stomach as he forced his body to sit up and felt bandages under his fingers, most likely Katara’s doing. He supposed taking a lightning bolt for her shot him up a few more points.

“Thank the spirits you’re alive!” He heard a weak voice behind him exclaim just before he felt small, tattooed arms encircle him from behind and a recognizably bald head fall against the back of his neck. He felt the chest behind him heave and the hot tears hit his skin before he heard the ragged sob leave Aang’s mouth as the young boy’s arms tightened as much as Zuko supposed he dared clutch to an injured man. “I thought you’d died!” Aang wailed quietly. “You were asleep for three days, Katara wouldn’t tell me anything!” His voice was louder now, and Zuko could feel the fire soaked words, warm and desperate, against his skin. Zuko patted Aang’s hands against his abdomen reassuringly.

“It’ll take more than a little lightning to get rid of me.” He teased, only to wince slightly as his tender flesh was irritated by more pressure as Aang hugged him tighter.

“I was scared you’d left me.” Aang whispered, his words cold and heavy, as if they were carved out of stone. And that hurt more than any physical injury Zuko had sustained.

“Aang, I would never leave you.” He answered softly, turning, despite his discomfort and the scolding he was sure to get for it later from Katara, to properly face his distressed friend. He brought his hand up to cup Aang’s cheek, bringing his face up to look him in the eye. “Even if you left first, I’d follow you. All of us would.”

“No,” Aang sobbed more. “How am I supposed to rest at ease in the spirit world if you guys follow me there before your time?” Aang sniffled, rubbing his face against Zuko’s shoulder. He couldn’t help it, the fire prince simply chuckled, his hand coming up to rest on the back of Aang’s head, not minding the snot and tears soaking into his bandages and exposed skin.

“That’s the point, you aren’t supposed to. It isn’t your time either.” Zuko assured him. It was small, but he thought that maybe he could understand what Aang had been talking about when he’d explained his crush on his grandfather. Zuko himself was feeling that fluttery feeling in the pit of his stomach that always seemed to accompany holding Aang close. Even when they had been on opposite sides and he had been hunting the Avatar to ‘restore his honor,’ whenever he had had the pleasure of holding Aang near him he’d felt it. When Aang had told him he liked him, he hadn’t known what to make of the feeling, and back under the tree he had been too focused on helping Aang cope that he hadn’t noticed. But now, now he definitely noticed. With Aang shaking in his arms like a leaf he absolutely knew what that feeling was. The question though, was could he act on it? It was no secret that Aang had developed a sort of crush on Katara, but if that crush was simple admiration for her bending, or a legitimate interest in courting the water tribe girl, Zuko didn’t know. Zuko’s mind was brought back to the present though when he felt Aang shake more violently in his arms. The sounds he was making sounded like strangled sobbing mixed with … laughter?

“That’s not fair.” Aang’s voice was weak, cracking in places. “I can’t even die in peace? You all are terrible friends.” Aang sucked in a haggard breath through his crying and Zuko knew right then that he would be alright. At least for a little while longer. He leaned back, one arm supporting him on the floor behind him and the other holding Aang’s head to his shoulder, gently patting it until he was done.

He smiled fondly down at the little Avatar in his arms, speaking with just a hint of teasing; “Yeah, the absolute worst, but you’ll just have to live with that."

**Author's Note:**

> There will be an epilogue chapter, and an alternate ending coming out at some point. Because I had too many ideas for this fic and decided that I would just do both. So, eventually those will be coming. One will be ZukAang actually getting together, and the other will be a bit sadder with Aang deciding to go through with killing himself and a bit of how the GAang and Zuko react to that.
> 
> I really do love that the A:TLA time line is literally "Before Genocide" and "After Genocide" so that's what the BG and AG stand for on Kuzon's headstone if that was at all confusing.
> 
> Anyway, please, tell me what you think because i have been staring at this thing for so long I've developed a love/hate relationship with it. I love it, because I've had this idea for FOREVER but I hate it because I've been staring at it for so long and nothing seemed right.


End file.
